the Hellish life at Konoha Mental Institution
by StormyCloud9
Summary: My first fanfic so be nice. Sakura gets in to KMI for schizophrenia Inner and it's a cracky fanfic of Sakura's stay at the all male asylum with the Akatsuki and someother characters.
1. Chapter 1

Why the hell do I have to go to an asylum! Everybody knows they always end up abandoned and haunted!

**Ha! You're afraid of some haunted-to-be asylum? Pansy ass**

Shut up! This is all your fault!

**Why? You called me the whore queen!**

Someone has to be if I'm the slut princess!

**You're still on that? **

Yes! I'm not a princess!

**But I'm the queen.**

Bitch. Oh, look, we're in a car.

**Holy shit! We were abducted!**

Yeah, by the government,

**I KNEW IT! I NEVER TRUSTED THEM!**

Because I screamed 'you're the whore queen 'when we were at McDonalds and are now being sent to scary asylum. Think back a bit.

**Oh. But when did we get in a car?**

I think it was in between 'You're still on that?' and 'Yes! I'm not a princess!'

"MISS HARUNO!" some lab coat shouted in my ear. "God, what's your problem?" My head hurts. How the hell can a dude sound so feminine?

**Maybe if he had boobs.**

What? Where'd that, oh, I see.

**He's a she, you stupid pink haired slut.**

You've got pink hair, too, and you're more of a slut than me.

**But she's still a she.**

'She's' got aftershave.

**What? No way…**

What!

"And you'll be the first girl." "What?" "You only got that last bit, didn't you?" "Yup!" Sighing, **he** tucked some hair behind his ear. "What's this place called anyway?" I asked as a large, white, creepy building came into view. "Konoha Mental Institution."


	2. Akatsuki's plan

**I hoped you like! It would've come alot sooner if it weren't for some...bitches, yeah, bitches.**

**disclaimer: don't own naruto**

AT THE DAILY AKATSUKI MEETING, around 6-ish(pm)

"Report" a man with orange hair, and **way** too many piercings, ordered the group from the _super_ comfy, fluffy, and awesome chair(they all call it different names, but Pein is the one sitting in it and calls it Teddy, so let's call it that for now. This is important, trust me).

"Well, there's going to be a new loony at our cozy little asylum. I heard that he's(remember, this is a newly turned coed asylum, though they had _no_ clue that had happened since what kind of sick bastard judge would send a frail, unstable woman to an asylum completely consisting of insane/ly hot macho men?) either going to the Leaf dorm or ours." Kisame answered while eying Teddy enviously.

"TOBI IS HAPPY TOBI IS GETTING A NEW FRIEND!" Tobi shouted, now skipping in circles, not noticing the menacing blood thirsty aura emanating from his fellow members from behind him.

"Forget this idiot, what are we gonna do for the guy if he does get into the Akatsuki dorms, yeah? It's tradition for us to throw a party (it's sorta like a birthday party, but it's the birth of you becoming a member of the dorm. Like fraternity brothers or some shit like that, no wait. Exactly like that!) and get drunk!" Deidara said.

"You have a point." Pein murmured. "Did you find out any personal information?" the leader asked Kisame and Itachi, who was with Kisame during their little 'trip' to the staff room. "Even though he is only 17 he is a fully licensed doctor." Itachi said in monotone.

"Wait, huh? When the hell did you look at his personal file?" Kisame asked, obviously confused. "When you were fantasizing about the new 'warden' and her attendant." Itachi answered plainly. Kisame made an "oh" sound and stood quietly in his 'corner of pride' muttering 'I like strong women'. "Continue" ordered the leader.

"He's here for schizophrenia." "So avoid normal things and make crazy stuff so they appear normal, yeah (really really likely that's bullshit)." "Though small, he is impossibly strong and athletic." "I call weights!" Kisame shouted from his 'corner of pride'.

"He dealt with his problem before with puppets," "I'll take care of that (Kakuzu)." "He grew his own medicinal herbs," "I've got a few I could put aside in the greenhouse (plants, which should make it obvious)." "Has a short temper and is very violent," "I'm your fucking (you had to expect this) guy." "And is Goth." Itachi finished.

"I'll give him a piercing, Sasori, you make him a puppet. Itachi, supply a Goth care package. Tobi," "Yes leader!" "Bake him something." "No problem!" "You already know what you get food-wise. Akatsuki, head out!" finished Pein.

Thanks for the reviews! I didn't plan on adding any romance but I could definitely weave in some kisses and dirty dares! That wasn't Deidara in the first chap. I didn't think about but I now know she was Konan and the aftershave is a very complicated and funny story with Tobi, Deidara, Sasori, Chouji, Shikamaru, Naruto, and Kiba + Akamaru. I will probably put that somewhere in there, whether it be a chapter alone, or within a chapter and someone is telling it from the guilty party. I decided she would be a cool punk who just didn't give a shit. And she has short hair, so sorry 'long haired sakura' fans. Speaking of Sakura, when I said 'frail, unstable woman', Sakura is no frail and unstable woman. Theres a bit of a backstory both how she got into KMI and family-wise. A few snipets of information for you, schizophrenia is not only hearing voices but seeing and all that shit is distorted, so Sakura prov next chapter could get funky. Kisame's 'corner of pride' is 'when he did something shameful or something but was totally worth it' corner. Itachi is still emo and there is still an emo corner! I just didn't want Sakura to be emo, and I really hate using the word goth when emo is there. I know Kono/ha, they both mean the samething, is Leaf in Japanese, but it was either that or Sora or Toad, wich would complicate things. Story with Tobi will be found out like this: every chapter after the next one will be about sakura and an akatsuki member so in each chapter, who ever the dude is, you'll find out why he's here, or there, then. Feel free to put a possible chair name and person who calls it that in a review. I was thinking of Sharen for Kisame, but I'm not cetain. Hidan's, I was thinking something throne or something realy girly and out of character. Sorry about the long author's notes and this one. There won't be as many and as long next time. This thing won't be as long either. Just wanted to give you some answers now before you ask them later. I'll update as soon as I can.

**Stormy**cloud_9_


	3. Decision

Thanks for the reviews! The next chapter will come in a week or two. I'm happy I wrote a pretty long chapter, but my neck and collarbone hurt so much. Grammar may be wonky cause I'm tired tonight.

**disclaimer: don't own naruto**

The large, creepy asylum was white and didn't have a lot of windows; it reminds me of a white wall. They're creepy, too.

**What doesn't creep you out? **

Shut it. It's only the plain stuff. Everything else is either funny as hell, stupid as hell, or boring as hell.

**You said it. **

Cha, wait a sec, we went off subject again!

**Your right! We're so good at that!**

Dumb-ass! That's not something to be happy about!

**Why not?**

Going back to the asylum now.

Five small buildings surrounded it on all sides except the front, with one in the distance behind it.

"The big building is the actual asylum. The six other buildings house the weirdest, loudest, craziest and all together worst inmates of the asylum."

You know, he said that with a murderous aura and dark chuckle at the end.

**He must **_really_** like the place.**

You think so?

**Uh, yeah…**

"You'll be going to either the leaf or the Akatsuki. Which do you want to go to?"

'Poof'

What da fuck?

**What da fuck?**

"Hello~ I'm The Leaf!" a tiny man looking like a leaf said in an annoying squeaky voice.

"Why hello gay tights!"

"You're one to talk, you crazy, pink-haired bitch!"

Um, um, um, OH MY FUCKING KAMI! A TINY MAN IN A LEAF COSTUME WEARING GAY TIGHTS HIGH ON HELIUM (pun so intended!) WITH A DIRTY ATTITUDE APPEARED ON MY SHOULDER! DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS! DID YOU KNOW HIM AND STUFF LIKE THIS WAS POSSIBLE!

**WHY THE HELL WOULD I, HOW THE HELL WOULD I, AND WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT! **

'CAUSE MAYBE YOU'RE INTO A 'TIC TAC' SIZED DICK!

**Did you not say he was gay?**

That wouldn't matter to you.

**Don't think so low of me!**

"Ehem,"

"What!"

**What!**

"I'm here to get you to go to 'The Leaf'."

"Now why the hell would I want to go there?"

"Cause we've got a ton of hot guys with fine asses. I should know."

**Hot guys! And eww…**

"Okay, but Akatsuki has to have some hot guys, too."

"Right you are."

"What the,"

A hot guy in a maroon (red with a pink tint. Velvet colored) suit with thin black stripes walked on her leg. He was also tiny, but was hot so it was cool.

**Now that's something I'm into!**

I don't blame you.

**Aw, your so nice!**

Don't push it.

**Damn.**

"While _all_ of the Akatsuki members are hot (they're her subconscious so she doesn't know that, just a slut's intuition) the Leaf has a handful of cute guys and the rest normal and below (slut's intuition strikes again!)."

"Show off! You're really such a dick!" gay tights whispered to sexy suit.

That was harsh. Someone's jealous

**Someone's also a sore loser~**

"Well I have to be since yours is the size of an ant."

The Leaf was scowling at Akatsuki as they poofed away and I finally answered his question.

"I choose Akatsuki!"

"Oh," he sounded like her best friend moved away without telling him.

"What's so wrong with that?" I ask, slightly confused and intrigued.

"Let's just say they're real characters alright." I could have sworn I saw her shudder. Then again, I also could've sworn I saw a 'super gay legendary creature concert' with a fairy singing Metallica, a unicorn on drums, a leprechaun on bass, and a pixie on guitar.

After a long toilet flush down the surrounding cliff, we finally park and get out.

**Aw, I don't want to be crap!**

Yeah, well suck it!

**Mean-ass! You never loved me!**

Damn straight! And Mean-ass? That's sad. Oh how the mighty do fall.

**Oh shut it.**

They very rudely push me, and by they, I mean bald muscle heads, into a changing room and gave me a pair of blue sweat shirt and pants, both with lots of pockets filled with survival things for this place. It's the type with a zipper, so I unzip it and let it show my black under shirt. A red over black (background is black) bandana hangs from my neck.

When I finish, they give me a large linked silver chain with a large purple spherical bead hanging off it to go around my wrist.

They wheel me to the Akatsuki dorm.

When we get there a huge red cloud is spray painted on the wall next to the door. It was a small, white, two stories building with a red roof and a chimney. I opened the door, and heard popping.

9 guys had just pulled the confetti…thingies. After a minute of awkward silence, there happy facial expressions slowly morph into fish faces.

Some were a little shocked, some were really shocked and looked downwards, which started pissing me off, a familiar guy was the same as he always is. Two seemed to be frozen. One seemed happy, and I think one fainted.

Only one thing in this situation was absolute.

They were hot.

I got more reviews than I thought. Question answering time! Yeah, even though **Itachi** read her personal file, he thought Sakura was a dude. The really funny part is in the Akatsuki's prov and what they're thinking. And the person who fainted may come as a shock. And of course Sakura's gonna cause havoc. What else can she do, other than crafts, group therepy, and games, plus some dirty secrets of the courtyard. Okay, review if you want itasaku or any other pairing! I will take anything! Sakura is definitely a chick. Sorry if you got confused last chapter, but if you are, then reread the first chapter or look closer at the second one. Thank you reviewer 10, who complemented my first fanfic. Truth is this is just the first one I published. I've written many down in many fandoms. Hopefully I will publish them for you to also enjoy. Thanks again for the reviews and don't forget that you can give me chair names!I hope you found it atleast a bit funny. I DON''T BELIEVE DUDES IN TIGHTS ARE GAY! Only Sakura does. Peace out

**Stormy**cloud_9_


	4. Preparations

**I know I said I wouldn't update in a while, but I also said I would would as soon as possible. So here it is. But dudes, 11 pages. Thats the longest chapter I've ever written. Also, the same people review, not that I don't appreciate their reviews, but people, if you say 'update soon, I love' then I would feel bad if I didn't, so review people. I hope you enjoy! This is, by far the funniest chapter yet. Enjoy.**

**disclaimer: don't own naruto**

The Akatsuki started their preparations.

You see, when it's a holiday or, a special occasion, they up their ante. **A lot**. Since they're all excited about the occasion, they forget to hold back.

The fourth of July included a firework blowing up in the cake, in someone's face, and in the women's' bathroom.

More specifically it is the story of Konan screaming her head off, the black marks on her ass and around the toilet, and Deidara waking up with fake boobs and looking like the thing he hated being called the most, a girl, in a maids outfit. That morning was filled will screaming and **very** scary auras.

It took 30 minutes, a very annoyed Pein and a very irritated Sasori to make him to check his dick. Which he did. And it was hanging there, happy, and still small, as ever, causing Kisame and Hidan to laugh their asses off.

That's also when Tobi was shot 5oo yards (1500 feet if you couldn't do the math) into the night sky by Kakuzu, who had used his money to make a paper firework.

Though, they do remember there's a 50% chance she's going to the Leaf, right?

Anyway, Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Tobi, and Kakuzu were busy with their gifts, while Kisame was getting/stealing sake and other alcoholic drinks from his/the asylum's secret stash/highly guarded cooler for employees ONLY in the staff lounge.

Hidan was getting the suspiciously gamey tasting 'meat' from God knows where. They only knew that he would go out the **back** door and wouldn't be back until late afternoon. His clothes would be ripped with blood of what or who, they had no idea, drenching his clothes and splattered across his face, which would wear a devil's grin and eyes filled with blood thirst and glee. They have to make his clothes fuel for the fire.

Deidara secretly wets his pants.

Zetsu was in his greenhouse picking fruits for snacks. He already had replanted the medicinal herbs for the newbie.

If **anyone**, even leader, stepped on one of his plants, or even came in uninvited, he would knock them up with so many halogens they would have to go to the soft room, or the scientific term, solitary confinement. The only one ever spared was Tobi, who came in uninvited to plant a dying wildflower he found.

Pein was in the lounge, mentally planning the party. They would have confetti thingies blow up in his face when he came in, they would welcome him, eat, talk and get to know him, show him to his presents, and then lead him upstairs to the room at the end of the hall.

That was the plan Pein came up with.

He then got up from his spot on one of the parallel sofas and went upstairs to get them to help get the room decorated and ready.

Sasori and Deidara's room, being the nearest to the stairway, is where he knocked first.

"Not now! We're busy!" Sasori shouted through the door.

'They must still be working on their gifts.' Was Pein's first thought, but he hesitated in leaving when he noticed that Sasori answered.

'Sasori is very relaxed and at peace when carving a puppet, and usually doesn't talk when working on one. Usually Deidara is the one who talks through his work and gets frustrated, so why would Sasori answer?' his thoughts were interrupted by Deidara.

"Pu-push harder, yeah!" he shouted, 'ah' and 'ngh' and such sounds were made as well as heavy panting coming from the room.

'Wait, WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST ASK HIM TO DO!?' Gaping, he silently pushed his ear against the door.

"You asked for it." Sasori answered. "Ah, ah! H-hey, yeah!" more panting was heard. 'DID HE ACTAULLY DO WHAT I THINK HE DID!?'

"Ah! It's so big, yeah!" more panting. 'Seriously? Wait, no, THAT PICTURE IS SO WRONG IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!'

"It's really hard too." His mouth was so wide, he could swallow a football.

Swiftly and silently, he got up and stiffly walked across the hall to Kakuzu and Hidan's room.

'At least Hidan is out doing… OH GOD I DON'T WANT TO IMAGINE THAT EITHER!' was what the poor Leader thought before his thoughts were again interrupted, this time by Kakuzu.

"There you go, Eleanor, the surgery was a success. You have a head again!" Kakuzu said in a small, wispy voice.

Pein stood in front of the door, frozen.

'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MEMBERS!?' he mentally screamed, hands on his head and looking up, crying anime tears.

Well, for starters, the all have a number of disorders, traumas, and are insane. This is an asylum, remember? As in, the place guys who are _totally_ messed up in the head go to. But I guess the last event traumatized him, not much of a mental healing facility is it? Though they do act sane and somewhat normal around him.

"Now it's tea time. Emily, get Rose and Elizabeth." "Yes Kakuzu-sama." Kakuzu said in a high squeaky voice.

'Deidara and Sasori are together and Kakuzu speaks to his dolls and speaks for them.'

"Rose! Don't slurp your tea! And don't eat your sister's muffins Elizabeth! Try and be more like your sister, Emily. A lady isn't gluttonous."

'He reminds of the tight ass mother or instructor of princesses or noble women. That's kind of creepy.'

"Now you'll have to be punished."

'Or the perverted father.'

"Since you're so hungry, maybe I should just take your stomachs out."

'Or a serial killer with a fetish…'

He walks into the bathroom, which is on the left side of the staircase, and puts his knees up and cries in his hands.

For the 5 minutes Leader-sama cries in the bathroom like a little school girl who just got rejected, let me explain Deidara and Sasori.

To explain why the hell it sounded like they just fucked, I first have to explain

**Old Bastard Buzzard**

**Old Bastard Buzzard **is a vulture that lives in the surrounding cliffs. He has quite a few homes in the forest surrounding the asylum. It all started when he took Hidan's sacrifice to his god, Jashin.

Everyone laughed but then it was Kisame, then Deidara, Zetsu, Tobi, Sasori, Itachi, and all though they got a good picture of emotional Itachi and Sasori, It was the last straw when he stole Pein's umbrella and Kakuzu's money.

Pein's umbrella was given to him by his father ,who got it from his father, before dying. Not only that, but it was a raging lightning storm and he had to get back to the Akatsuki dorm.

Then he stole a newly obtained 50 Kakuzu later named Maria. That's when the tradition started.

Destroy a vulture's nest in the most brutal way possible.

He was on everyone's bad side, so it was strictly honored.

They all eventually got their stuff back because of this tradition.

But, whenever he could, he got back at them.

But the worst was when they made the nest unlivable. And of _course_ he sat in it _every _time before he realized what the hell he just sat into.

**List of the Akatsuki's best hits:**

**Pein**- metal spikes

**Kakuzu- **introduced lice andother creepy, tiny bugs to his nest

**Zetsu**- cacti

**Tobi**- living cockroach chip cookies (He was **seriously** pissed about what he took)

**Hidan**- red glue and a painted meatloaf made by Pein (He once gave a girl he liked 'chocolate' muffins and died instantly)

**Kisame- **on top of a large fishbowl

**Itachi**- electric barbed wire

**Deidara- **pink paint can

**Sasori**- his feathers individually plucked and to this day _nobody _knows how he did it

**Old Bastard Buzzard's best hits**

Got Pein in a crypt and sealed the entrance, and Pein's worst fear is to be buried alive or die in a dark hole completely helpless. He screamed in there for **hours**.

Put ghost peppers in Kisame's sake. He swallowed, a second later, "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Put a pink paint bomb in one of Deidara's creations. He looked like a pink rooster for a week.

Introduced mice to Kakuzu's stash, Kakuzu fainted. Kisame, Hidan and Deidara had to come in and exterminate them with force. Deidara with a flame thrower (where the fuck do you get a flamethrower at an asylum!?), Kisame with a hose powered water gun, and Hidan had a fucking _huge_ scythe (How the fuck do you get a very sharp and deadly scythe at an asylum? The staff are such lazy-asses!), all of them screaming "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" wielding their weapons wildly.

Vulture pooh chip cookies. A mix between running water, screaming, and crying.

**Extra:** Put barbed wire in Itachi's bed. Being the fucking awesome badass Emo he is, he hardly noticed and slept even better.

Back to Sasori and Deidara, **Old Bastard Buzzard** had gotten back at them again! And he didn't fling an aphrodisiac in their window, but he did throw something in the window.

Earlier that day he came across the corpse of a hyena.

Knowing nothing better to do with it (Besides doing the normal vulture thing and eat it?) he decided to fling it through his enemy's window.

Obviously, this disturbed their work, so knowing this, let's go back a couple of minutes and see what _exactly_ their doing… teehee.

IN SASORI AND DEIDARA'S ROOM A FEW MINUTES AGO

Sasori and Deidara, obviously unable to continue their work with a rotting corpse in the middle of their room, were trying to drag it to the window and then Deidara would fire it out a cannon (why not just fire it from there?) out of their window.

But, being the smallest two of the group, Deidara and Sasori were having much difficulty. They decided Sasori would push and Deidara would pull.

They had just began when they heard a knock on the door. "Not now! We're busy!" Sasori shouted back, annoyed and frustrated at the situation and how hard this was.

"Pu-push harder!" Deidara said as he was pulling with all his might. 'Ah!' 'Ngh' 'Uu' were the grunts that came from his struggles. He was panting heavily.

"You asked for it." Was Sasori's answer.

Doing as he requested, Sasori turned around and used his weight to push the well fed hyena. That, they noticed, had a dislocated jaw and a snapped neck. What the hell could have done that?

SOMEWHERE IN THE FOREST

"Achoo! Ah, fuck, some bitch is talking about me."

BACK AT THE ROOM

This caused Deidara to lose his balance and almost fall. "Ah, ah! H-hey, yeah!" Deidara said as he steadied himself.

"Ah! It's so big, yeah!" the she-male whined, still pulling, panting all the while.

"It's really hard, too." Sasori complained.

"No shit, yeah! You do nothing all day, you don't even like walking downstairs, yeah! You're such a lazy-ass. How the hell do you stay skinny, yeah?" Deidara yelled at him. He had stopped pulling.

"So what? And I don't eat the crap the rest of you eat. I'm a vegetarian!" Sasori shouted back, he also stopped pushing.

"Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you, yeah!? And Zetsu is a vegan, too!"

"I should ask you the same thing! And I already knew that!"

This argument went on for 20 minutes before they got back to work.

10 minutes later it was in the cannon.

But…

The cannon was given to Deidara by a friend when he was still in the Rock dorms.

And he got it from an ad on the internet.

And he was totally scammed.

So then they made a giant catapult and flung him out the window.

"Sasori, get the binoculars, quick, yeah!" Ordered Deidara.

Sighing, he did as he was told.

Through their binoculars, they both had their own pair if you thought they were sharing, and followed the Hyena.

ON THE CLIFF

The vulture just came back from his hunt and had eaten his fill.

He leisurely laid on his back, musing on what he had done to that damned redhead.

His feathers visibly ruffled as he thought about what he did to him.

'That crazy bastard finally got it. But that hyena couldn't have been killed easily. It probably ate something. I wonder where that corpse is now. I wonder if they got it out by now.'

Just as he thought that, he turned his head to see a large blob yards away and coming fast.

His eyes nearly fell out of their sockets they were so wide.

'Those bastards!' he thought before the hyena landed on him. Luckily for him, the hyena didn't weigh enough to squash him, but he definitely had some broken ribs. Wait, if it wasn't enough to kill a bird, why the hell did it take so much effort to drag it out?

BACK AT THE ROOM

"We actually hit him! We're even again!" Deidara celebrated.

Sasori sighed at his roommate's reaction, but smiled anyway.

"Deidara! Sasori! He's gonna come any minute! Get your asses down here!" They heard Kisame shout from downstairs.

"Okay!" they shouted/said back.

Okay, you're probably like, 'What the hell? What the fuck happened with Pein!?', right?

Well I said I would explain it all in the 5 minutes that Pein was crying in the bathroom, teehee, so let's go back to where Pein is only sniffling.

Well, it started 5 minutes before Pein knocked, the time they were talking and Pein eves dropping also took 5 minutes, so that's ten. Then they argued for 20 minutes, making 30 minutes, then the 10 it took to finally drag it into the cannon, 40. But then the cannon was found out to be a scam, and they had to make the catapult, which took 15 minutes (which is impressive considering the size and weight of the hyena), and 5 minutes it took to transfer it to the catapult and the last bit. All that took an hour. So, what did they rest of the Akatsuki doing during this time? That is this story.

Pein finally stopped crying and came out of the bathroom, eyes red and still moist. He went to Itachi's room, which he should have done FIRST.

His eyes filled with determination, he banged on the door and yelled "ITACHI, GET OUT HERE AND HELP ME WITH DECORATING THE LOUNGE FOR THE NEW GUY! IF YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING GAY OR SERIAL KILLER-Y, I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK AND WILL DRAG YOU OUT!". Pein was **really** upset about what happened earlier.

Deidara and Sasori didn't hear this since they were already in a heated argument of their own. Though I don't think you could call Pein's shouting with Itachi a 'heated argument' since he might as well have been shouting at the door since this is what Itachi did.

Itachi opened the door casually. "You didn't have to shout. I was 'practicing' my Emo-ism since I just finished with his gift. And what do you mean by 'doing something gay or serial killer-y'?" Itachi asked his leader.

The truth is, he was shocked that Itachi was exactly like he was when he was around everybody else. But he's an Emo, so what can you expect?

"Uhh…umm… a dream!" He said, nodding his head.

"I don't care anymore." Itachi said in monotone.

"Well come down stairs and get the foldable table." Pein ordered, walking down the stairs.

"Kakuzu, you can come out." Itachi said without turning to Kakuzu's door.

The door opened and Kakuzu walked out. He then put his hand out. Itachi placed a key in his outstretched hand.

"That's the master key to all of the dorms."

"I can't believe you made me say that. Rose and Elizabeth would never do that." Kakuzu said as he stuffed the key in his pocket.

Itachi and Kakuzu went downstairs.

"O-oh, Kakuzu…you came down, too. Well, help me move this sofa," It was the sofa on right when you entered through the front door, "to the other side." Pein more asked than ordered.

They did that while Itachi got the folding table. He placed it in the middle of the room.

Then Tobi came out of the kitchen for the first time since last night.

He came in with a colorfully 3 tier cake and placed it in the middle of the table.

When he left ,Itachi thought that it looked like a Rainbow and Unicorn's offspring, a Rain-corn, puked on it.

Pein thought that it was way too colorful since the new guy is a Goth.

Kakuzu thought it looked gay.

After that a steady stream of Tobi coming from the kitchen with cookies and other sweets began.

Kisame came back with the sake. He had some singes here and there, but he came out unscathed.

Then Zetsu came back with a basket full of fresh fruit. He cut it all up, put it in a bowl, and sprinkled some sugar on it.

Hidan came back last, looking Hell spawn, and they cooked the 'meat' using his clothes and some wood they found/cut down.

They had too layer some of the sweets, but they made it fit. They put up a banner. They just realized they didn't know his name. Itachi informed them it was 'Haruno'.

They all had the feeling they were forgetting something.

"The fucking presents!" Hidan said. They all rushed upstairs (except Pein, whose room was on the first floor) and got their presents. They came back down and put them around Teddy.

They still felt they were forgetting something.

Kisame snapped his fingers. Not something, but someone.

Kisame stood at the foot of the stairs and shouted "Deidara! Sasori! He's gonna come any minute! Get your asses down here!"

When he heard and 'Okay' he walked back to his spot in the 'confetti artillery'(confederate artillery, wait, does that mean Sakura's the Union, which is ironic since she has inner).

They came down and got a confetti thingy and joined the artillery. A few could swear they saw Pein shudder when he saw them.

They heard footsteps nearing on the gravel road.

They got closer and closer until they were at the door.

Right when he opened the door, they pulled the string and fired the confetti.

They were all grinning, with the exception of the stoics of the group, who wore small smiles.

Though the Emo had more of a smirk.

That's when they saw the slouching, short pink haired girl in the doorway

We are finally where we've all been waiting for! YOU EXCITED!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! HELLO? Are you there? Hello? *sniffle* you guys won't answer me. Or no one's there. WAAAAHH! No one showed up! *sobbing and hugging knees* Just kidding. I know you guys want to know who's who. Well get ready 'cause this is it!

**Akatsuki's reactions and matching thoughts**

Hidan- 'What the fuck is a fucking bitch doing here? Can't say I hate it though.' As expected, he was one of the perverted shocked ones.

Kisame- 'Why is a GIRL, a GIRL, I repeat, a GIRL, doing in the uniform and at our door. Wasn't this place all dudes? When did they- those conniving bastards! That's what they meant. But, a girl smaller than me, beating me up, would be hot.' He was also one of the shocked and perverted ones, as expected.

Sasori- 'Oh, look, our first girl. It's already been four months since we became coed, and no one else noticed. I know Kisame was suspicious of the wording they used in the news letter and maybe Itachi figured it out, wait. Itachi is the one who read her personal file. There must be some connection between them for him to keep this a secret. One thing's for sure. Things are going to get interesting.' Sasori is a slightly surprised one.

Itachi- 'She hasn't changed at all in these long years. Still has that bandana, too. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read her personal file. She actually went to medical school. What are the chances she'd end up crazy ,too, and go to the same asylum?' he was the 'a familiar guy was the same as he always is'.

This is where it gets unexpected!

Deidara- 'A girl! That's wonderful. *Sigh* I knew it was only a matter of time, but couldn't she have come a bit quicker? Then they wouldn't call ME a girl and focus on her'. He was a slightly surprised one 'What the fuck' is right! Bet you weren't expecting that!

Tobi- 'A girl. A girl. A girl. **A girl. Great, just what we need! Girls! I haven't gotten laid in forever and if I don't soon, I swear I'll go nuts.**' Tobi was frozen. But only for a couple of seconds.

Kakuzu- 'A girl. A woman. They buy everything, they buy the most expensive things, and they dry you up worse than the desert. They buy so mu-' Kakuzu fainted! I told you wouldn't expect it.

Pein- 'Deidara and Sasori are gay and fuck, Kakuzu plays with doll, speaks for them, and totally messes them up, and now I have Goth girl doctor with pink hair. God, why do you hate me so much? First, you mess up my family, then you make me –censored- for 7 years of my life, send me to this place, and make me leader of this dorm, but this is where the **extremely **bad go to. You didn't tell me that. And you gave me such a collection of _characters. _You made me lead the most irresponsible, arrogant, loudest, stupidest, childish, unrespectable and insane people in the _world._ The fucking _world._ Why God, WHY?' Pain was the second frozen.

Last is…

Zetsu- 'Wow, a girl. She grew her own medicinal herbs. I have difficulty with the few in _my_ greenhouse. She must be a very skilled gardener. We can trade secrets, have sleepovers, garden together, ' that continues for a long while. Zetsu is happy! I'm awesome…

Alright, because I'm nice, I decided to give you an extra minute ahead of last chapter.

Pein sat down in the same position he was in in the bathroom and started crying in his hands _**again**_.

Kisame kept staring/fantasizing while Hidan attempted to make a move on her. It ended like this:

(OO( ==(-_-)

When that happened, Kisame and Deidara started chuckling and Itachi smirked.

But then they (and by 'they ', I mean minus Kakuzu, Pein) noticed Tobi's aura change dramatically.

It was a dark, insane one.

He wore a smirk worse than Hidan's, since this one was more dark and crazy and controlled, as opposed to a rush of tasting blood again.

Kisame and Deidara visibly shook.

Itachi slouched his shoulders, unhappy that he had to deal with this **now**.

Sakura seemed to be normal.

"**Why hello miss. Wouldn't you like to come up to my room?" **Tobi, or should I say **Madara**,said to Sakura, holding her hand.

Only Pein, being the leader, Zetsu, being Tobi's roommate, and Itachi, being his cousin, knew the details of Tobi's condition.

Which I will tell you later.

But, whenever he's reminded of his dark past, like a slutty girl (_pink hair _dudes. In most countries, that's a sign of a rebellion and or they're a slut), and he reverts back to the person he was back then.

But~

Sakura just quirked an eyebrow and walked past him, taking her hand with her and saying "You're going to have better luck hitting on a dude."

I hope you laughed your asses off. Ya know, when I was writing the part where pein was crying, I got this idea, and I'm not even kidding, every time I think about I burst out in a fit of chuckles. What if everyone loved Pein. Like, they all did stuff just to see Pein's reaction. Just tell me if that idea is worth writing a one-shot or having a few chapters or not, please. KurayamiEra suggested Samehada for kisame's chair name. I'm okay with it and will include it in the next chapter, but if you dislike that, or have a better one, REVIEW. I was serious about the stuff at the top. Also, starting now, I'm excepting ideas you think would be funny and would fit with this. I need all the help I can get to make this an awesome fanfic! Peace out!

**Stormy**cloud_9_


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